


Abracada-Bro

by catisacat



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: M/M, Magician AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 20:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10929279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catisacat/pseuds/catisacat
Summary: Rhys runs a local magic show and a certain man is always showing up in the audience.He's willing to ignore this but if Fiona and Sasha have any say in it, he's going to ask that guy out.





	Abracada-Bro

**Author's Note:**

> I made a joke about the outfit in [this picture](http://catisacat.tumblr.com/post/160710816064/basically-every-single-other-character-thats-seen) looking like a gay magician and his assistant and I have no self control so I wrote a fic based on that.

“He was in the audience again,” Fiona said, chair teetering dangerously close to falling over.

Rhys weighed the benefits of knocking his assistant over with the consequences of how hard she could punch, “It’s not the same guy.”

“It totally is,” Sasha chimed in from behind the changing curtain, “Been here three times this week. Always in the front row, always watching your every move.”

Hanging up his hat, Rhys glared back at them. Backstage was a train wreck, no matter how many times he had to clean up. Sasha barely even had to bother with a curtain with the piles of costumes and props between them.

His chance to dump Fiona on her ass ended as she expertly hopped up, spun the chair around and sat on it backwards, grinning up at him, “He’s definitely the same guy. Short brown hair, blue eyes, weird little goatee, glasses, always in a suit. Not to mention he’s like… the shortest person ever. The guy stands out.”

Rolling his eyes, Rhys turned his back to her and wipe off the stage make-up, “If it is the same guy so what? Could be here to see one of you guys. There’s lots of guys with bad taste out there, I’m not here to judge.”

“Nuh-uh, Sasha went to talk to him a couple weeks ago and he barely gave her the time of day. And she hit him with ‘the look.’ Hey, hey, show Rhys the look!” Fiona yelled back to her sister.

Rhys had to force himself not to laugh as Sasha launched herself out, thudding against the wall before slumping down into the world’s worst attempt at a seductive look. Eyes half-lidded like a drunk and lips puckered like a goddamn duck. Batting her eyelashes, just a bit.

Her and her sister giggled more as Sasha slid the rest of the way onto the ground. Well, it should have been the ground. Instead, a small pile of costumes broke her fall.

Sighing, Rhys got back to work at scrubbing purple off his face, “Doesn’t mean anything. Maybe he just likes magic shows. We’re the only one in town anyways.”

“No one likes magic shows this much. Do you think he’s cute? If you pretend not to have noticed I’m going to shatter that mirror with your skull.”

“Aren’t you a charmer?” Rhys muttered.

Sasha had pushed herself up and was now lightly shaking him, “Dodging the question.”

“He’s… he’s alright. What are- what the hell are you writing on my mirror? RD and R?”

“RD stand for Random Dude ‘cause I don’t know his name,” Fiona calmly explained as she used the tube of lipstick to draw a heart around her handiwork, “And R is you.”

He was silent for a second before looking at her, “You do know what my last name is, right?”

The guilty smile on her face said no.

“Oh my god, you’ve been my assistant for three years! I helped you get off the streets! You were just a couple of pickpockets with all of two cents to rub together until I found you. And you don’t know my last name?!”

“Speaking of, old habits die hard,” Fiona replied, holding up a blue leather wallet embossed with an ‘R’ that certainly wasn’t hers, “You’re buying tonight. Gonna get you drunk enough that we get your real opinion on that guy.”

Despite his griping he let them drag him out of the building. Fiona pulling him by his arms, Sasha shoving against his back.

\---

It was a few weeks later when they found themselves at their biggest show yet. Some corporation, named Hyperion or something equally pretentious, wanted to improve its public image with a charity show but god forbid they spend too much of their own money.

The sleazy CEO said he’d opted to hire “their little trio” for “a charity benefit for orphans or some shit.” His exact words.

Rhys had been on the cusp of politely turning down the offer until the jackass shoved an absolutely obscenely large wad of money into Rhys’s face with a smug smile. Fiona rolled her eyes behind them as Rhys returned an equally smarmy grin and shook the man’s hand.

The outfits for tonight were downright obscene in their gaudiness. In addition to their general payment, the CEO also wanted them in the company colors. Black and yellow.

Fiona looked down at her own new suit, never being tremendously fond of wearing this much yellow. It was nothing compared to Rhys’s outfit though. Terrifyingly sequined, the damned thing weighed a ton. First time she saw Rhys in it she proclaimed him a Liberace Bumblebee.

He was an absolute spectacle. Where Fiona and Sasha had managed to talk down Hyperion representatives into fairly simple outfits, Rhys had said yes to everything. Peeking out at their biggest audience ever Fiona still managed to pick out a familiar face.

Rhys screamed as Fiona kicked his door open, nearly yelling, “Rhys, holy fuck!”

He jerked around, hands covering his bare chest, “Fiona, what the hell?!”

“Why are you covering yourself? You don’t have boobs.”

Rhys looked defensively from side to side before putting his hands on his hips, “I don’t know. Shut up. What the hell do you want?”

“He’s here,” Fiona smirked up at him.

“I’m a magician not a psychic. Who? The CEO? If he has any more demands tell him it’s too late to change anything.”

“No, no, the guy.”

“Wow. Helpful.”

“Fuck you, you know who I mean. The guy who keeps coming to the show.”

“No way,” Rhys said, sneaking towards the curtain to peek out himself, “This show is mostly workers from their company and a bunch of rich assholes.”

“Well. Maybe he works there? Or maybe he’s a ‘rich asshole’? Maybe both? Grab a shovel and start gold digging,” she crooned, squishing against Rhys’s side to try and peek out as well.

Kicking to get Fiona literally off his back, he could see she was right. The guy was sitting in his usual seat, except this time he was surrounded by people who he seemed to desperately want to get away from. Maybe he really did work with the company.

A woman in a blatantly Hyperion outfit was chatting him up familiarly. Considering how extra annoyed she seemed to be making him Rhys couldn’t help but wonder if she was that guy’s “Fiona.”

He didn’t have time to contemplate any of this before Sasha ran over to drag him back in and get the rest of his costume on.

\---

“You’re being creepy.”

Vaughn always muttered that to himself before every show.

The first time had been a coincidence, of course. As these things always start.

He really wasn’t sure why he said yes to Evan from the warehouse. Probably because Yvette kept bugging him about how he always turns down everyone she sets him up with. Evan was… cute enough. He guessed.

But the last place he’d think of as a good date location was a magic show. What were they? Five-year-olds?

Evan seemed to think it was clever and creative.

Unfortunately, the last thing that poor schmuck could have predicted is the magician being just Vaughn’s type.

It became obvious immediately though. Evan tried and failed to regain his date’s attention but there was a glittering disco ball of a man that had Vaughn captivated.

He left Vaughn there halfway through but he never noticed.

Now he kept finding himself back here, embarrassedly buying a ticket to a show he’d already seen about five times. At least the food was good.

He tried to tell Yvette that was the reason he kept coming back but she looked up the main performer and was willing to bet cash money that he was the reason her best friend kept slinking back. Something she truly wasn’t letting him live down.

In fact, Yvette was the reason he was sitting here with all his fucking douche bag co workers. She was the one who suggested at the meeting they reach out to Vaughn’s crush and do a charity magic show instead of a generic ball. He didn’t know that, just thought it was a weird coincidence. Yvette figured she could drop that on him later when he’d already landed his little magician.

Even as the magician walked on stage with his two assistants in tow, Yvette leaned over to whisper to him, “Hey, look, it’s your boyfriend.”

Not wanting to make a scene he just crushed her forearm a little but it just made her giggle at him more. Unlike most nights about five more assistants came out. For more show, Vaughn assumed.

The tricks were never anything special, really. The magician wasn’t pushing any borders. He seemed to rely more on his charisma and being charming than putting on a complicated act. Tonight one bigger act was planned though. The magician announced it at the beginning, already trying to get people hyped up for the grand finale.

After the rest of the flashy tricks were done it was time.

The magician stepped forward in the spotlight and called out, “Alright, for my next act, I’ll need a member from the audience!”

The force at which Yvette jabbed her pointy elbow into Vaughn’s side could have launched a shuttle into space.

He hissed at her, “There’s a plant in the audience and you know it.”

This didn’t deter her from forcibly raising his hand. Before either him or the magician could react, the assistant in the hat jerked her associate down enough that she could yell into his clip-on mic, “You! Yeah, you, short guy, front row!”

Not the politest way the assistant could have referred to him but he wasn’t given a chance to protest as Yvette shoved him up towards the stage. Already being pulled up by the one who’d chosen him and the other regular, the girl with the dreads, before he could even register being in front of hundreds of his coworkers including his boss.

Vaughn was completely frozen in place, never exactly someone who enjoyed the spotlight. Nervously, he tore his eyes off the crowd and to the magician. For the first time in all the nights he’d come to see the show, the other man was flustered. Face red and a cold glare followed the assistant as he spoke. Explaining the trick.

At least Vaughn’s uncomfortable moment in the sun was brief as he was pulled towards a box by the first assistant.

As the magician continued to speak to the audience she helped Vaughn in, telling him to stay put until her sister grabbed him. But before she closed it on him she leaned in close, nodding her head towards the magician, “By the way- he’s totally single.”

With a wink she slammed it shut.

\---

“I swear to god I am going to fire you so hard your stupid hat falls off,” Rhys idly threatened, chucking heavy pieces of his stage costume at Fiona as he changed, “I’m serious this time.”

“I’m serious this time hurr durr I’m Rhys I never follow up on my threats,” Fiona replied, dodging an oversized cufflink chucked at her head.

“I mean it. If we didn’t still have the dinner tonight I would physically remove you from this theatre myself. Dragging that guy on stage, making me look like an ass in front of the largest crowd we’ve ever ha-”

“I told him you’re single.”

“FIONA!” he barked at her, “Tell me you’re lying. Oh my god.”

“What? We dragged it out of you at that bar that you think he’s cute,” Sasha came to her sister’s defense. She’d already changed into her cocktail dress for the dinner, red and sparkly. Fiona’s matched.

“He’s just some random guy in the audience. Don’t be weird about it.”

“Uh-uh, now he’s random guy in the audience except you did a trick with him and have an excuse to talk to him now and also we’re going to make that happen,” Fiona said, stepping out in her matching dress.

“No it’s fucking- get back here!” Rhys futilely yelled after the escaping sisters. A brief struggle to get the rest of his party suit on, then he took off after them to try and foil their evil plan.

The party was uncomfortably crowded. This venue’s ballroom wasn’t quite equipped to deal with a party this large but they’d managed to get it looking nice enough. Thankfully, out of the gaudy costume and top hat, Rhys blended into the crowd a little easier. The way he saw it he had two options. Hide in a backroom until this was over or find and stop the sisters.

He opted to try and find and stop them first. Shoving through the crowd was proving a nightmare. Rhys’s thin frame was easily knocked around by the party guests, greatly inhibiting his ability to find them.

At long last he spotted them but it was too late. They’d already detained the guy from the audience. Poor man was trapped between them and his own friend who seemed completely complicit in making this awkward meeting happen.

It didn’t seem like Fiona had seen him yet so, alright, Plan B, Rhys goes and hides in a backroom.

Doing a perfect about face he started trying to get back towards the dressing room. He could escape through the stage and hide in the projection room. Because this is what adults do when their weird friends try to set them up on a date.

Keeping his head ducked down and trying not to draw attention to himself, he knew if he got through that door he’d be in the clear.

He got about halfway there, perfectly in the clear, before he felt an iron grip on his shoulder stop him.

“Hey kiddo, great job out there. Really had those idiots eating out of the palm of your hand. Raised a lot of money for whatever the hell it is my secretary signed the company up for. Orphans or some shit.”

Great. The creepy CEO guy. Exactly the type of quiet and unobtrusive person you want to run into while you’re trying to make a getaway. There’s no way Fiona didn’t know exactly where he was now.

Those statements are, of course, facetious. Jack said all this loud enough that half the room could here. Yelled, really.

Rhys remained trapped next to Jack as some reporter took their picture. He smiled obediently, knowing that it wouldn’t hurt to have his face next to the words “charity” and “orphans or some shit.”

The second the photo was done though, the CEO shoved him off and wandered away. Loudly demanding someone get him another drink before he “strangle the life out of them.” Hopefully he was kidding but Rhys had a feeling he wasn’t.

Dressing room. The word echoed in his mind once more, remembering his previous mission to escape the party.

It was too late though. His shoulder was grabbed again, this time smaller and pointier.

Fiona spun him around, absolutely shit-eating grin on her face. Trapped under her other arm was the man from the audience, looking simultaneously deeply embarrassed and kind of… excited? Hopeful? Rhys couldn’t place the look.

“Rhys,” Fiona hissed like the snake she was, “I’ve got someone here who wanted to meet you.”

She shook her captive a bit, making Rhys feel even worse for the trapped man. The fancier suit looked out of place on him, black and bright yellow instead of his usual grey and brown one. He sounded deeply unsure of himself as he spoke, “Hi, uh, my name’s… my name’s Vaughn.”

He held out a hand which Rhys shook, replying in turn as he silently damned Fiona to hell, “I’m Rhys. Nice to meet you.”

“Hey, look you both have names. So much in common. I’ll let you two talk,” Fiona said, shoving them slightly closer together before departing to the nearby punch bowl to stare at them from a not-so-far distance. In seconds Sasha appeared next to her, Vaughn’s nameless friend right on her heels. The three women pretended to talk but all six eyes were constantly checking on their respective friends.

“Is your friend always like this?” Vaughn tried to joke, awkwardly fiddling with the wine glass Yvette had shoved into his hand earlier.

“Yeah, it’s kind of her thing,” Rhys replied, “I’m pretty sure antagonizing me is what gets her out of bed in the morning. A day spent without her making me at least mildly uncomfortable is a day wasted to her.”

The glimpse of hopeful excitement seemed to extinguish frm Vaughn as he said that, looking to the ground, “Oh… if… if you’re uncomfortable I can go. You don’t have to talk to me.”

Oh great now YOU’RE the one making an asshole of yourself, Rhys. No Fiona required. Cutting out the middleman, smart business move. Rhys grabbed onto Vaughn’s sleeve before he could leave, “Shit, no, that… that came out bad.”

“No, no, I get it,” Vaughn retorted, still trying his damnedest to joke this off, “What I did was… creepy. Like. Really creepy. Your friend told me you recognized me in the audience all those nights. I promise I’m not a stalker.”

“No, really, it’s fine. It’s flattering really,” Rhys said, continuing to try and damage control the situation, “I just didn’t terribly want it to be dragged on stage with everyone looking at us.”

“Thought a showman like yourself lives for that attention.”

Rhys shook his head, “I don’t really want my personal life to be public. A persona of Rhys, World Famous Magician? That’s fine.”

Fiona started hovering closer again, the nosey ambassador of the other girls.

“Yeah I’m not… I wanted to talk to you but didn’t terribly want to be on stage myself.”

As irritated as he was with Fiona’s meddling, Rhys decided what the hell, “Well, if you wanted to talk maybe we can do it at a later time when there’s less people and no stages.”

Vaughn face went bright red at that, smiling as he nearly tripped over himself to find his phone, “S-sure, are you free next Friday?”

“He sure is,” Fiona butted in, smiling widely at her plan’s success, “And look his number’s already in your phone. Maaagic.”

Sure enough Fiona placed Vaughn’s phone back in his hand, address book open to Rhys’s phone number. Speaking of, Rhys was glaring at her with such intensity that she was mildly worried she was going to spontaneously catch on fire.

Vaughn look at her, at his phone, then back at her as she flounced away, “Is she seriously always like this?”

“Absolutely. By the way, make sure she didn’t take your wallet.”

Vaughn laughed at that, still stuck in giggly schoolboy mode.

“No, I’m serious. Make sure she didn’t take your wallet. Most magicians started out pickpockets and she’s one of them.”

A few pats later, Vaughn confirmed that Fiona, in fact, had opted not to rob him. He was still excited but now vaguely concerned about what he was getting himself into.

Rhys was just wondering how obnoxious the sisters were going to get about this now.


End file.
